In every treatment plant there are things that are not talked about, because why scratch the scars of history. In our case, such a thing is cabinet for evacuation maps. It stands in technical area D, between the pressure pipe and the refrigerator after the Soviet radio. No one moves it, because legend has it that the last one who tried it still squeaks through the telemetry charts to this day. But times are changing. A new era has arrived. And with it - the control from outside.

👩‍💼 13:58 - The arrival of the controller from HR hell

Her name was Eulalia B. - a health and safety inspector with experience dating back to the asbestos era. She appeared suddenly, unannounced, with a laptop, a notebook and a telescopic ruler that could be extended to four meters. She had a look like a spirit level - always vertical, always emotionless.

- Please show the evacuation maps," she said in a tone as if it was an ID card before the spleen removal procedure.

I fell silent. I looked at Staszek, he looked at me. After a moment, our eyes went to Jadzia from human resources, who still in the morning insisted that "it's time to restore order", because the Union, because regulations, because "what it looks like with an audit from the Main". It was through her that the legendary closet was activated.

🗺️ 14:02 - A clash with map reality

The closet stands in a place that in the old days served as a repository for things "needed, but not now." To get to it, you have to walk through a tangle of pipes, jump over a lying pallet box, avoid a flood sensor and lean over like a penguin in the heat. The maps theoretically hung on the inside of the door. The problem was that over the years the cabinet was raised... on a pallet. For convenience. So that it wouldn't get soggy. And now its bottom started at 180 cm. That is, the height forbidden by the 1986 regulations.

- According to the ordinance OJ. 1997.109.704: evacuation maps must be placed within sight of a person of average height. This means a maximum of 160 cm from floor level," recited Eulalia, tapping the concrete with a ruler.

⚔️ 14:07 - Battle of the Closet

- But the cabinet has historical value," I tried to explain. - It's the last piece of equipment from the original 1970s Kettle, still hand-riveted!

- And still hand-sewn, as Marek 'Łatka' repaired it after a forklift crashed into it," Staszek added.

- It doesn't matter," the inspector replied. - Please move it, adjust it or remove it. And update the maps - this building plan still indicates a smoking room. And smoking in the building has been banned since 2008.

And then it began. Fighting for every inch. Literally.

Staszek brought a ladder, Jadzia brought a level, and I... prayed to the saint of Technical Standards. We tried to remove the cabinet from the pallet, but our cat - Burek - lived under it. He did not want to move. He made cat face #17 ("try to touch me and you'll see the plumbing in action").

🔧 14:12 - Counter-strike of the system

In an act of desperation, Staszek climbed onto a stool, which still remembered the "Unscrewed Valve 2015" action, and tried to mount the new map - below. Unfortunately, the stool proved to be as stable as our upgrade funding.

- Hold me! - he shouted, after which... he fell right into the closet. The door opened with a bang, the map flew up, and the carbon monoxide detector - for reasons unknown - sounded the alarm.

A whining, buzzing and suspicious "beep" sounded, heralding that the refrigerator was still alive after all. The automated notification system sent an email to the crisis department, to the management, to the municipal police and - unbeknownst to me - to my family doctor with the note "possible exposure of the patient to stressors."

🐾 14:17 - Cat intervention

And then, as if nothing ever happened, **Burek** climbed up on the closet and sat right on the old map. Perfectly in the center. Measuring with a ruler - 182 cm above the ground.

- The cat is not provided for in the regulations," Eulalia said coolly.

- But it perfectly obscures the site of potential misplacement," I tried to convince.

- He is protecting her. From escaping," added Staszek, still clinging to the wall, barely alive.

Eulalia sighed. For the first time that day. She made a note of something in her notebook. Probably: "A place tainted by absurdity. Abandon attempts at rehabilitation."

📜 14:30 - Epilogue and Minutes

The inspector closed the laptop, closed her eyes and said:

- In the minutes I will write: "unforeseen interaction with the cat, material resistance of the field unit, local parallel reality phenomenon". Please send a new building plan within 30 days.

- And with the height of the map? - I asked hopefully.

- The cat stays. Just don't let it obscure the legend," she threw over her shoulder.

🧠 Final Reflection

There are battles that are fought for ideas. There are also those that are fought for holy peace. And then there are those in which one fights a cabinet, a stool and a cat at the same time. And while we didn't win compliance with the regulation, we won something more valuable: an entry in the minutes that will go down in legend.

The moral? At Kettle, we follow the rules. But always in our own way. Because where logic ends, the 1983 escape map begins.